Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Valentine's Help

Sorry for the lack of updates folks, I've been quite busy with school and work for the past few day so I'm just starting to get back on track here.

* * * * * * * * * *
Hey ashley!
Even if you didn't start your whole advice blog I was gonna ask you for help anyways! I just started talking to this girl about a week ago. She's 17 and I'm 19 and things just really took off from the first minute we started talking. She just got out of a three year on and off again relationship and she really seemed upset about it but she hasn't mentioned anything about it in a few days (so i think i'm doing a good job).
My real question is what should we do on V-day? I said I'd take her out to dinner, so I'm wondering if I should go all out with the old style Italiano resaurant and bust out the tie. Or should I do.... something else?



Hey M,

First of all, congrats on the new relationship and congrats on being a gentleman and suggesting a romantic dinner for two on Valentine's day. Most grown men I've met don't even remember Valentine's day, I myself had to remind my boyfriend that Feb 14th was coming up and he said, "I thought your birthday was in August?"

Point Proven.

Anyways, I am a little concerned about this girl though. You said that she just got out of a 3 year relationship with someone and she is only 17. That means that she has been with this guy since she was 14. Relationships that start off that young and last for that long usually take a lot more than a week and a new man to get over. When I was 16 I dated an older man on and off for almost 6 years and when he called it off with me I was absolutely devestated. It took me months and months and months to even consider getting back into the game.

I know you said she hasn't mentioned her last relationship yet, but that can mean one of three things:

1) She really is over him and she just wants to move on. This is our best case scenario here.
2) She is still hurting from the relationship so even the thought of bringing it up is painful to her. This isn't a bad thing, but it's not necessarily a good thing either.
3) You're the rebound. Defintely NOT a good thing.

I'm not leaning towards one or the other, because her intentions with this relationship are not mine to figure out, unfortunately that is your own homework assignment. I'm not asking you to be suspicious of your new relationship with this girl, just to be aware of whats going on - that is all.

As far as your initial question goes, romantic dinners for two are always nice, but you know whats even nicer? If you live on your own, or if you have roomates that you can kick out for the evening hosting a nice candelit dinner complete with music and wine (I know she's underage, but I won't tell if you won't) can be the ultamite romantic experience. You get to cotrol what music you want to hear, you have each other's company without anyone else around and its a great oppurtunity to really bond, to really get to know each other. Sometimes restaurant settings can be awkward for a new couple - especially considering your ages.

- Sometimes wait staff in a restaurant will treat young people rudely, or differently from their other patrons because they think that "these kids won't tip me so why bother?"

- You defintely can't order wine for your girlfriend because they won't serve her and drinking alone is never fun

- People are probably going to stare at you, or watch "these kids" in the restaurant which can be awkward

Etc etc. you get the point.

But if you order in a nice meal, have some candles set up around the house and at the table (and not to be stereotypical because you're a man but CLEAN UP THE HOUSE!) you both will enjoy the night a lot more.

Hope that helps, have a great Valentine's day!

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Threesomes - Fun? Dangerous? Relationship-suicide?

Hi Ashley

My question is this, my boyfriend and I have decided to have a thresome. Its something he's wanted to do for a while now and I think it would be a fun way to spice up our sex life. We've been dating for nearly 2 years now and we think it would be fun to bring another into our bedroom for the night to engage in some "wholesome" sex. We already have the other girl so now we're just planning the event.

I know it sounds like it was all of my boyfriends idea but I was totally into the idea from the get go. I'm just worried that it might be damaging to our relationship. I know we are both equally into the idea so I dont see how it could be, but what do you think? Also are threesomes safe? I just want to cover all my bases here!


* * * * * * * * * * *

Hey C,

I'm glad that you pointed out that sometimes girls are capable of wanting to get our freak on - in your case a threesome - without feeling pressured by a man. I don't care what anyone says, girls are far more perverted than men. Unfortunately societal stigma doesn't allow us to express our sexuality for fear of being branded "sluts" and "whores". But hey, when a guy nails 4 chicks in one night he's a goddamn hero right? Anyways, I'm opening a whole new can of worms but I just wanted to point out that its true: girls are capable of expressing themselves sexually without being coaxed into it by a man.

All right - your question is three fold here.

First question: Is this fun/awkward/exciting/a good idea?

Answer: Why not? I will openly admit to having a threesome with another female and her boyfriend. You know what, all parties had a good time, it was fun, it was exciting and yes - it was slightly awkward. But come on, how could it not be initially? Who does what? Who puts whose hand where? Is it possible to even bend that way?? Once you get into it, and everyone's comfortable romping around naked that intial awkwardness does eventually dissipate.

Second Question: Will this damage our relationship?

Answer: First off, you didn't specify who the third party would be (ie. a friend of his, a friend of yours, some girl you met at X, Y or Z...) so for every situation it might be different. Personally my situation was more comfortable because I knew the parties involved, however - if this is a best friend of yours you may feel differently about the relationship afterwards. Not to scare you off from the idea of course, but keep in mind if this is a friend or co-worker etc. of yours you are still going to see this individual outside the context of your bedroom. If you feel like you would still be comfortable hanging out with them after the events without feeling ashamed or awkard I don't see a problem.

Now, like I said, I don't want to dissuade you from the idea if this is something you really want to do but ask yourself this: How do I honestly feel about my boyfriend fucking another girl? Because that's the reality of it sweetheart, your boyfriend will be engaging in intercourse with this other female. If you're a jealous woman by nature I strongly advise you against it. If the tables were turned and you were the third party things may seem a bit different since you have no emotional attatchment to the individuals you're having the threesome with. At the end of the night - you're going home.

But this girl is entering YOUR bedroom and YOUR boyfriend is entering this girl. Not to mention (and I'm assuming you and your boyfriend are riding the bunny slopes of threesomes here) how do you think you'll interpret your boyfriend's behavior while he's fucking this other girl? Maybe to you it seems like he is enjoying her more than you? Maybe you feel like he's spending more time with her than you? Your interpretation of the sex between your boyfriend and her could make the entire experience horrible and yes, it may very well cause problems between you if you aren't ready to face that reality.

I'm going to say this once again: Please don't think I'm trying to discourage you from the idea. Threesomes are great fun and they come highly recommended from me PROVIDED you are emotionally/physically/mentally capable of engaging them. That means you need to cover ALL of your bases, like you said, not just focus on the excitement of something new.

Hell, you never know - it may just turn out to be the best sex of your life!

Last question: Is it dangerous?

Answer: All sex can be dangerous provided you don't take the proper precautions. Think of it this way:

Having unprotected sex with a stranger can give you an STD or a virus

Now think of that in the context of your situation. Regardless of whether or not this other girl is a friend of yours they are still a stranger to your relationship. You have no idea what she has, who she is also fucking, or what diseases she might be carrying. Even if she is a friend of yours I sincerely doubt over a cup of coffee she's going to suddenly say, "So I went to the mall today, bought a cute new pair of Nine West's, had a low fat latte and oh yah, I have genital herpes"


It doesn't happen that way.

There are two things you can do to keep you and your boyfriend safe sexually:
Option 1. You all get blood work done, you all wait for the results and you all get tested for everything in the book.

Not hot, eh?

Option 2. He wears a condom and each time he fucks you or her he uses a new condom. It's not enough to just make him wear one, he has to change it everytime he switches partners. There would be no point in having him wear protection only to have him fuck her and then you immediately after with the same condom.

And if you want to be even more protected exclude oral sex. Herpes can be transmitted both vaginally and orally. Even if she doesn't appear to have any symptoms that doesn't mean she doesn't carry the virus. Most of the time people who have herpes do not show any physical symptoms of the virus for up to a year - but they can still pass it onto their partners. And remember: Herpes is a virus - its controllable, but NOT curable - God knows you don't want that.

Unfortunately condoms aren't infallible which means using one doesn't gaurentee you 100% safety. Abstinence or engaging in sexual acts with only one person does. Wearing protection however is defintely a safegaurd and you should defintely have your man wear one should you go ahead with your threesome. *Click here for more info*

I hope this has been useful for you, Good Luck and Have fun!

Saturday, January 28, 2006

To date her or not to date her - that is the question

hey, heard about you from s***

anyway, this really is something minor so I don't know if it's worth your time...There's a girl who wants to date me, she's made it very clear, but I'm not sure if I should. I'm not entirely convinced I like her in that way, but my head goes back and forth between thinking I really do like her and thinking that I shouldn't.

She had a rough breakup with a friend of mine a while ago, so it couldjust be a rebound. I think the main reason that I'm tempted to go forher is the interest she's been showing me. She calls every day and it's really nice talking to her. My last relationship ended because my girlfriend wouldn't talk to me much But yeah, any suggestions as to what I should do would be appreciated

thanks, M****

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Hey M,

You should never, never, NEVER get into a relationship with someone unless you are 100% into it. For you to even question what you want from her and your currently relationship with her makes it clear to me that you are not totally 100% into her. This girl adores you, you enjoy talking on the phone with her it seems like the "relationship" you currently have with her is about a 20/80 split. She's more into you than you are - you just like talking on the phone with her.

Well honey, relationships involve a lot more than just talking on the phone.

Are you actually willing to date this girl who clearly cares for you a lot more than just friends and dump her if you find out you're not all that into her in the end? You'll crush her feelings! I'm sure you're a nice guy, and I am sure you don't want to hurt her so the best thing that you can do is tell her that you are only interested in her as a friend. She might be upset about it for a while, but believe me - she'll get over that faster than she will if you break up with her and tell her you weren't all that into her in the first place.

People tend to be drawn towards other people who will listen to them. I know myself when I meet a guy who actually listens and appears to be interested in what I have to say I'm immediately attracted to them. But if we always act upon these attractions we soon realize that the only thing that we were interested in was a lending ear.

Good luck with everthing, M - save yourself for someone who can offer you more than an ear,

Friday, January 27, 2006

A cheating boyfriend caught - now what?

Hi Ashley,

First of all I love your blog, I think it's a great idea and I think you have given out some great advice. I almost feel funny about asking your advice on this since I'm considerably older than you, but here goes: my question to you is this: I have been dating this great guy for a while now, almost 3 years (lets call him Frank), we live together and we have even been playing around with the idea of getting married.

Frank and I have always been honest to each other, I have always assumed we were faithful until I recently discovered a memo on his desk that read, 'Call M*** - dinner Friday night, 9'. I thought that was rather odd considering he was supposed to be out of town on Friday to go to some conference in ****, or at least thats what he told me. (Ashley side note: She gave the real name of the female 'Frank' was to meet so I will refer to her as 'M' for the rest of this post). When Frank came home that night I immediately asked him who M was and why he was meeting up with her considering he told me he was going to be out of town.

At first he got angry for me and accused me of snooping, then he calmed down and explained to me that he just found out the other day that the conference was pushed to another date and M was a business associate of his. I didn't believe him and as I continued to push the subject he finally admitted to me that him and M were in fact sleeping together but it was only a one time thing. He loved me and felt guilty so he was going to call things off on Friday thats what the memo was about. He told me he was stupid, that it would never happen again and that he loved me.

What do I do? I love Frank, I want to believe him when he says it was a one time thing and that it'll never happen again but this nagging voice in the back of my mind won't let it go. Do I give him another chance or do I move on?

Thanks for taking the time to read this,


My advice to you: Dump his ass and never look back.

A 'one time thing'? BULLSHIT! He lied to you, right to your face with those 3 little words. A one time thing means he got drunk, fucked around and that was it. Continually sleeping with someone, sneaking behind your partner's back and making secret dates are not indicators of a "one time thing". This has obviously been going on for a while now, I gaurentee he had no intention of ending the relationship - you just caught him. The fact that he even tried to turn the tables on you and accused you of being the bad guy snooping around and not trusting him makes me think this guy is a total sleaze.

Do you honestly think he would have told you about the relationship if you hadn't of confronted him? How do you know that he was going to dinner that night to break up with her? Wasn't it rather convenient of him to break up with his mistress the night that you confronted him about it?

When we really love someone and they disappoint us we constantly tell ourselves that they are not a bad person, they just made a bad choice - then we remember all the good times we had together and think to ourselves, "You know - he really is a good guy, he just messed up" and thats what brings us back to ground 0. And when they do it the next time, (in 65% of all male adulterous cases they do cheat again) we use this same rationale to excuse their behaviour. Before long the cheating spouse realizes that they can cheat get away with it and suddenly they aren't so cautious about their extramartial relationships. They even stop making excuses and just come and go as they please.

Not only is cheating hurtful, it can be dangerous. What if Frank hasn't been using a condom with this woman and she has HIV? What if he contracts the disease and passes it onto you? He has no regard for your feelings OR your health! With the rise of the HIV/AIDS epidemic in North America (especially amongst females ages 15-24) who knows what he could be bringing home with him! Just look at the figures!

Do you love him enough to risk your own health? I'm not trying to scare you, I'm trying to inform you about the dangers that can rise from adultery.

I know its hard, I know its a horrible thing to experience - having the person you love cheat on you but honey, you are worth more than that. You are are a human being, not an after-thought. You should never be taken for granted, and you should not stay with someone who has 0 regard for your feelings or your health. Kick his ass to the curb.

Best of luck,

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Thanks and Shout Outs

I wanted to congratulate you on the opening of youradvice blog ...

May there be fewer naked neighbours in your future ...Cheers!


We can only hope, thanks for the support!

* * * * * * * * * * *

Dear Ashley,
I really enjoy reading your blog and I appreciate your willingness to help others with their problems. I can relate to the feelings you express about your life experiences. I myself am a recovering alchoholic, 26 yrs old and dealing with a lot of emotional issues. On the outside I think I am as normal as they get but once you start peeling the onion so to speak. At this very moment I am just trying to occupy my mind so I do not torment myself over a failed relationship. I am in a twelve step program here in **** and I have a lot of support, but to be perfectly honest I just like knowing that someone is listening. Particularly someone like yourself who is removed from the situation and has no motives whatsoever for personal gain. I get bored and lonely a lot so I'll probably drop you little notes here and there.


P.S. Lots of girls make sqeaky noises in their sleep.

Thanks for writing me, I really appreciate it. Good luck with all of your future endeavours and my email is always available. Even if you don't have a question and you just want to vent I'm more than happy to "listen"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dear Ashley,

I always thought you were a bit of a stuck up bitch. For you to come out and suddenly assume that you're the end all and be all when it comes to advice giving threw me off. I was offended that you thought, epecially at such a young age, that you could offer advice to complete strangers and expect them to take it. After reading your first two posts however I've come to realize different. You actually have some valid things to say and I like how you back yourself up with useful links. So thanks for not being preachy and good luck


No problem. For the record, I'm just giving opinions and ideas to those who have emailed me. I certainly do not expect for people to take my advice as the Gospel truth and follow everything that I say. I'm just offering my two cents and if people take it, thats great and if they think that I'm totally off the mark I'd like for them to tell me.


I appreciate it guys

I'll have some more updated advice tomorrow, but I am exhausted and bed is calling me.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Random Relationship Questions

I've had a number of emails asking generic relationship questions so instead of dedicating a post to each question I'll answer them all in this one post. (Mainly because most of them were one-liners so they don't require me to go into much depth)

1. How long should I wait to go back into the dating scene after a break-up?
Whenever you feel the most comfortable. Most of us have this crazy idea that the only way to get over a relationship is by jumping into a new one. The idea of being alone scares us so we assume that finding someone new and fast is an easy solution. WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! Listen Jennifer Aniston wanna-be's, rebound relationships never end on a good note. When the "break up goggles" come off (and believe me, it will happen) what are we left with? Someone we don't even know, someone we probably wouldn't have taken a second glance at, someone that seemed like a good idea at the time and now someone we have to get rid of. Rebound relationships always end up with someone being hurt - so don't take that route.

Break-up grieving is a natural process, let it run its course. Whether it means waiting a month, 2 months or even a YEAR make sure you are fully ready to head back into the dating scene. When you know that you're not going to shack up with the first person who pays you even the slightest bit of attention - You're ready.

2. When is it the appropriate time to say, "I love you" in a relationship?
After they sign the pre-nup.

Kidding. Seriously though, there is no time frame in which to tell someone that you love them. You say it when you truly mean it. The word "love" has been thrown around so loosely it's almost lost all meaning, which is unfortunate. I myself have never told a single guy that I've dated that I "loved him" and I'm talking relationships that have been close to 2 years! You can really really really like someone or really really really be in lust with somone but Love-Lust-and-Like are three entirely different concepts.

I think the only appropriate time to say "I love you" to that special someone in your life is when you truly mean it and know the difference between the 3 L's.

3. Is it appropriate to date my best friend's brother? Even if she approves?

Ask yourself this, "Whats more important to me? My relationship with my best friend or a relationship with her brother?" and if you answer the latter then maybe you're not the best of friends you thought you were.

Dating a best friend's brother can only lead to one thing:

What happens if the relationship fails? What if he breaks your heart and you can't stand to be near him after the storm is over? Your friend, though she may love you to death may very well take her brother's side in the whole situation and where are you left? What if you break his heart? Do you think your friend is going to want to be near you after you crushed her brother?

Probably not.

Who knows though, maybe things will work out - but if they don't are you willing to lose a great friendship over that? If you're willing - then go for it. If not, then don't risk it.

4. Should I date a friend's ex?
That depends, do you usually enjoy other people's leftovers?

Its a harsh thing to say, but its true. Imagine your buddy breaks up with his girlfriend - then you hook up with her sometime down the road. Always in the back of your mind you're going to remember where's she been - and that's not always a good thing.

I remember a while back a guy friend of mine started dating the ex of his other friend. Things were going great until he kept asking her if he was better in bed than the other friend, if he was "better equipped" than the other friend etc. Its natural curiosity and maybe even jealousy if the two still talk that can kill a friend-to-friend relationship.

There are plenty of other fish in the sea - take a swim.

5. Where's a good place to go for a first date?
First lets eliminate Bad Places to take a first date:
1. The movies (How are you going to get to know each other?)
2. Dinner (Nobody that I know is 100% comfortable eating in front of a virtual stranger)
3. Your parents (Too soon - too Norman Bates)
4. Any convention that contains the words "Star" or "Trek" in them (Unless you're Patrick Stewart)
5. The beach (Unless you're both comfortable in a bathing suit which most people are not)
6. A Bar (That's a place to meet people and plan for a first date - not an actual location for a first date. Plus its too loud, you really want to yell your astrological sign over 50 Cent?)

I've always found the perfect places for the first date to be the following:
1. Coffee - its quite, its quaint, you can really get to know someone and its a comfortable atmosphere. Most coffee houses have some nice ambient music playing, people aren't generally screaming and shouting like most bars and the couches can be pretty cushy.

2. Mini Golf - one of the best first dates I ever had was at a mini golf course. I suck at mini golf but so did he - it was a lot of fun and we both had a great time. You may look like an idiot trying to get that damn ball into that hole but believe me, you'll both look like idiots - so that eases some of the tension.

3. Star gazing - cheesy, but true. Go out at dusk, go somewhere (if possible) where you can see the stars, share a bottle of wine and just talk. Sometimes the great outdoors put us at ease and the fresh air can really compliment an interesting conversation.

Those are just a few answers for now, but I'll have more questions like these posted another time.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Anti Depressants can lower one's sex drive - especially in women

I am guessing that for your advice blog to work you will need some questions.I have been married for almost 2 years and love my wife very much. I am a very sexual being and she just deals with me. This has been due in large part to some anti-depressant sex drive killing drugs that she was on and has since changed. Now things are starting to turn around for me.My question is...she isn't very open with me about what she likes and doesn't like in bed. I have tried numerous different things in bed and have tried many different times to talk to her about it.

Can you give me some direction on how to get her to talk to me about improving sex for her?

Rock Hard

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Hey RH, (cute name by the way)

Anti depressants have come a long way since lab tests on rats. We can now treat almost any disease or mental malfunction with drugs. Unfortunately for us humans, a decrease in sexual drive is the price we pay for feeling better about ourselves and our lives.

Women especially are effected by the side effects of anti depressant drugs. The female hormone "estrogen" exacerbates the effects of most drugs which in turn increases the symptoms of any side effects in women. In other words women are more effected by a drugs side effects than men and are more likely to have a significant decrease in sexual drive after taking anti depressants because of our internal framework. All hope is not lost though, by adding anti depressants such as Bruproprion to one's drug regime can actually help restore a lost sexual drive. http://www.docguide.com/dg.nsf/PrintPrint/D60C2918DAD6AAAE85256A310066F6FF

But we can't solve everything with more drugs now can we? If we could this world would be a highly medicated place.

Perhaps your wife is feeling shy about expressing her sexual desires because she was or is on the drug, not because of the actual effects of the drug. Lets be honest here, who the hell feels sexy after having to pop pills called "anti depressants" For the most part, she probably feels inadequate as a person and as a wife because of the medication, even if she is no longer on it. "I'm not the perfect woman you deserve because I had to take these pills". Its not uncommon for people to feel this way.

Its your job as her husband to let her know that her having to take the drug in the past or present doesn't effect the way you think or feel about her as your wife. That you love her no matter what and the medication doesn't make her any less of a desired sexual being. From what I'm reading here, she doesn't have a problem actually expressing her sexual desires, she has a problem actually FEELING desired due to the medication.

You need to get her out of this mindframe she's got herself in. Take her out to a nice dinner, take her to a bed and breakfast for the weekend, watch your wedding video with her and remind her that when you put that ring on her finger you swore to her that "through sickness and health" you would love and cherish her. That was your vow to her and you plan on keeping it. You need to make her feel wanted first, make sure she knows that everything aside you still love her, she is always going to be the sexy wife you married no matter what.

It might be a slow process, it might be a fast one. That I can't tell you. But before you try to bring out the school girl uniform and buy all those Karma Sutra books you have to make her feel adequate and deserving of your sexual attention. Don't pressure her and do not rush her - she will come along in her own time. Certainly don't tell her that you have sexual needs and desires that need to be filled too otherwise she'll only be guilted into having sex with you and nobody wants to have guilt sex. She'll never get back her desire that way so don't even try it - pushing her will only make it worse. If you have to, rent some porn and service yourself on the nights she isn't home.

Hope things work out,

Sexual harassment is NEVER in the job description

Hi Ashley,

I've been reading your blog for quite some time now as you know, I've emailed you a few times and I was glad you decided to make this advice blog. I also work in the bar industry in **** so I'm sure you'll be able to offer me some advice I can use.

I've been working at **** for a few months now, (I'm 19) and I have never had a problem until recently. There is a customer, he is a regular, that comes in every Saturday. He always approaches me for his drinks and he is generally harmless. Recently though he's been a little more vulgar and touchy feely. Two weeks ago when I was working he told me "Your tits look fantastic in that shirt" and I felt very uncomfortable. I approached my manager and told her what happened and she told me that it was "in the job description" to deal with flirtatious customers. Basically that I should suck it up - it is all a part of the job.

This guy came back in again last week and kept commenting on my body - he was very vulgar with his description. When I told him that his comments were not welcome he actually approached my manager and said that I was rude to him when all he was doing was paying me a compliment. My manager gave me shit and told me that she thought I understood what the job entailed and if I had a problem flirting with customers I could find another job - and not in the bar industry since it was the same at every bar.

Is this right? Am I just over reacting? He never actually touched me or grabbed me in anyway, just commented. I know you've been in the business for a while so I figured you would know more about this than me, is this really how it is?

Thanks B.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

First of all B, what that man did was not flirting, that was full on sexual harassment. Someone doesn't have to touch you in order to be sexually harassing you. The OHRC (Ontario Human Rights Commission) defines sexual harassment as the following:

"Sexual harassment" means that someone is bothering you by saying or doing unwanted or unwelcome things of a sexual or gender-related nature. For example, someone who makes unwelcome sexual or gender-related remarks and gestures by:

- touching you inappropriately
- making offensive jokes or remarks about women or men
- making sexual requests or suggestions
- staring at or making unwelcome comments about your body
- displaying sexually offensive pictures
- being verbally abusive to you because of your gender

Nowhere in that definition does it say, "Sexual harassment is only touching" the definition of sexual harassment also includes unwelcome comments or staring at one's body. Even though this guy didn't touch you he is still guilty of sexual harasment.

As for your manager, she's full of shit and I gaurentee she knows it. Sexual harassment is never EVER in the "job description" whether you bag groceries or work in a bar. People have come to assume that just because someone works in the bar business they are to act and dress in a certain fashion. What people fail to realize is that for the most part those men and women who are overtly flirtatious with customers CHOOSE to do so in the hopes of increasing their tips. It's not because they HAVE to to keep their jobs, they act on their own free will. I know many bartenders and bar staff that choose to NOT be overly flirtatious and they still do well.

Your boss clearly has no concept of what is acceptable and what is not. My advice to you is to quit - NOW. If she's acting the way she is over someone just commenting on how you look how do you think she's going to react to someone who grabs your ass or even your chest? Do you honestly think she's going to stand up for you and kick this guy out? Probably not, in fact I had a manager like that once before and I was given a week's suspension for having a man removed from the bar who tried to undo my work top. Her excuse?

"He spends $200 here a week, and now he'll never come back after you embarassed him like that."

I got out of there - and fast. I suggest you do the same.

I promise you, not all bar's are like this. Not all manager's are this evil. Don't let this one job discourage you from staying in the bar industry. Yes, you are going to encounter assholes and perverts on a daily basis - unfortunately that IS in the job description - but sucking it up and dealing with it even after they make you uncomfortable is NOT. If you look you will find a place that makes sure their employees are well looked after and anyone who touches you or harasses you will be dealt with accordingly.

Don't give up, the bar business is great money, great fun and a place to meet great people. I'm sure you will find a place that gives you the respect you deserve and you'll love working there.