Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Valentine's Help

Sorry for the lack of updates folks, I've been quite busy with school and work for the past few day so I'm just starting to get back on track here.

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Hey ashley!
Even if you didn't start your whole advice blog I was gonna ask you for help anyways! I just started talking to this girl about a week ago. She's 17 and I'm 19 and things just really took off from the first minute we started talking. She just got out of a three year on and off again relationship and she really seemed upset about it but she hasn't mentioned anything about it in a few days (so i think i'm doing a good job).
My real question is what should we do on V-day? I said I'd take her out to dinner, so I'm wondering if I should go all out with the old style Italiano resaurant and bust out the tie. Or should I do.... something else?

M***

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Hey M,

First of all, congrats on the new relationship and congrats on being a gentleman and suggesting a romantic dinner for two on Valentine's day. Most grown men I've met don't even remember Valentine's day, I myself had to remind my boyfriend that Feb 14th was coming up and he said, "I thought your birthday was in August?"

Point Proven.

Anyways, I am a little concerned about this girl though. You said that she just got out of a 3 year relationship with someone and she is only 17. That means that she has been with this guy since she was 14. Relationships that start off that young and last for that long usually take a lot more than a week and a new man to get over. When I was 16 I dated an older man on and off for almost 6 years and when he called it off with me I was absolutely devestated. It took me months and months and months to even consider getting back into the game.

I know you said she hasn't mentioned her last relationship yet, but that can mean one of three things:

1) She really is over him and she just wants to move on. This is our best case scenario here.
2) She is still hurting from the relationship so even the thought of bringing it up is painful to her. This isn't a bad thing, but it's not necessarily a good thing either.
3) You're the rebound. Defintely NOT a good thing.

I'm not leaning towards one or the other, because her intentions with this relationship are not mine to figure out, unfortunately that is your own homework assignment. I'm not asking you to be suspicious of your new relationship with this girl, just to be aware of whats going on - that is all.

As far as your initial question goes, romantic dinners for two are always nice, but you know whats even nicer? If you live on your own, or if you have roomates that you can kick out for the evening hosting a nice candelit dinner complete with music and wine (I know she's underage, but I won't tell if you won't) can be the ultamite romantic experience. You get to cotrol what music you want to hear, you have each other's company without anyone else around and its a great oppurtunity to really bond, to really get to know each other. Sometimes restaurant settings can be awkward for a new couple - especially considering your ages.

Example?
- Sometimes wait staff in a restaurant will treat young people rudely, or differently from their other patrons because they think that "these kids won't tip me so why bother?"

- You defintely can't order wine for your girlfriend because they won't serve her and drinking alone is never fun

- People are probably going to stare at you, or watch "these kids" in the restaurant which can be awkward

Etc etc. you get the point.

But if you order in a nice meal, have some candles set up around the house and at the table (and not to be stereotypical because you're a man but CLEAN UP THE HOUSE!) you both will enjoy the night a lot more.

Hope that helps, have a great Valentine's day!
Ashley